Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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