Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
