I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She announced her abortion via fbk
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
