you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize