oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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