it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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