I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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