do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
