The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
