Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think your dad took our porno
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize