Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
