I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
