Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
