My vagina just recognized that song.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
