After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
