yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
