My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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