the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize