at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
