Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
