so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize