i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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