At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
