There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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