My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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