omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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