We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize