You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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