I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
