yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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