i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
