Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
