"it" just moved
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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