What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize