She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
