xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
