After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
