That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize