i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
