dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
