Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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