Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
