Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
