I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I party with great urgency now.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
