If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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