he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
