That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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