so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
