My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
