ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
