So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
