Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
