Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
