ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
