If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
