Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
