About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
