if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
