no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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