I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
