I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
