Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
