you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize