I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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