Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
