I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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