And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
