I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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